Saturday, August 28, 2004

Brunch

So, after another long Saturday night shift my thoughts immediately shifted to the most despised of all restaurant traditions. Brunch. After 24 years in this business, I still ask myself (or my equally tortured sous-chef)WHO THE FUCK CAME UP WITH BRUNCH? What asshole woke up one Sunday ( a day of rest?)and thought "If only I could sleep in and go eat an omelet at noon" I sometimes wonder if if I could accept this horror if it were just called lunch. Noooo it's brunch. As if a euphemistic name will change how much it is despised. Waiters hate it.Chef's hate it. Less care goes into the food and service than any other shift. Put your worst crew on it and hope they show up because BRUNCH will make employees quit. I guarantee there is more absenteeism on Sunday morning, than all other shifts combined. And with good reason. It sucks. And the sheep that flock to brunch out of tradition, decked out in their silly hats and Sunday finery are enough to make one sick on their own. Cute little old ladies wanting their poached eggs. Closeted,picket fenced husbands in their after church get-ups wanting an egg white omelet and a brandy milk punch. A fucking egg white omelet?What the fuck is that? I wish I could develop a whiteless egg just for brunch. A brandy milk punch? What kind of nancing alcoholic silliness is that? A mimosa. a MIMOSA?....what are we on the goddamned Orient Express? I feel so sophisticated when I drink those!
Here's what Sunday morning is for: Getting up late, moving slowly and waiting until the previous night's headache has subsided enough to form a rational thought as to where to get grease.
My personal way to deal with this is to provide eggs dishes that extend a middle finger to traditional scrunch offerings. Eggs Benedict? No. Eggs Allistair Crowley(with blood sausage no less)Eggs Richey Rich ( with foie gras, redwine sauce and a hefty price tag. If you're gonna dictate my serving brunch, I'm going to drain your wallet)Eggs Florentine? Please. That's far too pleasant sounding for Sunday morning. How about Eggs Burning in Hell (Soft boiled eggs , quickly deep fried and served with a blistering pepper sauce)

The true irony is that despite my best efforts, it never ends. It always works in reverse.

So why don't I quit serving brunch if I hate it? Money and revenge.

156 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great post about brunch. I am dragged to brunch on occasion and I always wondered why the food was not very good. Now, I know. The chefs aren't cooking!

And regarding the foie gras post, some people are just idiots.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Angry Chef - are you available for phone comment? I'm writing about the cliche of brunch for a newspaper this Sunday. Anyway to get in touch?

12:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No phone. My e-mail is angrychf@yahoo.com

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was me..hit the button before signing.

A.C.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you hate brunch so much, then don't fucking offer it!

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're brilliant! Learn to read and comprehend and do yourself a favor...since reading comprehension is beyond you, stick with doing what people tell you.

Like I said and you missed...I DO IT FOR THE MONEY!..Plus I don't have to have any great integrity issues with people who eat it. I'll slop you a couple eggs, you give me 30 times my cost.

A.C.

11:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG A.C. definitely four star status here!! LMAO *You cook at a soup kitchen*! This is just to hilarious...A.C. is a soup kitchen cook! LMAO I mean, already fucking brunch....associating with old farts and liquidated eggs...as well as the lovely entertaiment of *noithing but the oldies shit* playing to *live it up* for the hoards of senior citizens who arrive for this very special event of when *The Great Master Cook* A.C. will be serving up liquidated eggs. OOOOOO and Ahhhhhh here.

Yippeeee A.C. is here....LMAO

E.C.

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