Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Can I Get That On The Side?

Sure.If you want to ruin the dish that I've spent all last night losing sleep over.If you feel it neccessary to ruin the integrity of a dish by removing a key element.Hey, the most important part of a dish isn't how it is put together with taste, texture, etc. in mind.No, the MOST important part is that it makes the customer feel worthy by having a "special request". "SEE I AM SOMEBODY!" Yeah. A raging pain in the ass. Can I have that without the caviar?Abso-fucking-lutely.Just order the dish that doesn't have caviar on it. Sauce on the side? Not that big a deal,I mean the sauce is only what ties the dish together. Can I substitute the starch on one dish for the vegeatbles on another? No, but you can order a side of the vegetbles you want. "I'm not that hungry can I just get a half portion?".Well, if you're not that hungry, why didn't you go to a fucking movie instead of going out to eat? No problem half portion 3/4 the price. See I'm fair. My personal favorite are who I like to refer to as "God's Dining Tragedies". These are the people who come in with one of those silly allergy cards that read like this great tome of torture. I don't have one in front of me( I leave them in the kitchen for the cooks to make fun of) but they read something like " I have a medical condition which prevents me from eating: Wheat, salt,cheese, pepper,seafood,butter,corn or corn products, beets,radishes, animals with shoulders or Viking food". Here. Here's a snow pea.Can you fucking eat that?(Yes, if it's raw). I think they should just present a card that say " I can't eat anything.May I sit in the corner with a bowl of hot steam and watch?" Jesus, what's the matter with people these days?

I blame two things. One this silly sense of entitlement that has permeated this country for the last few decades and TV cooking shows. See, now EVERYONE is a chef. The guy selling hot dogs is a chef. Guys who make those bland, tasteless sandwiches are"sandwich artists". The guy who puts the canned jalapenos on your nachos? Yep, he's a chef. Ever seen the sickening pint sized baby chef wear? Toddlers are chefs.It's ok though because don't they just look sooooo cute? Ughhh.
Here's how you go out to eat. Walk in to the restaraunt, sit the fuck down ( at ONE table, stop moving all around!)and order your food.See how easy that is? If you send something back because it's"not what you expected", too goddamned bad. We're cooking the menu, we're not the Amazing Kreskin.I can't read you mind and know what you're expecting. Hell if I could read minds, I'd be up to my ass in poker chips.

I'm gonna cut this short as I have another rant about ridiculous customers and don't want to shorten THAT post. Here's something to remember, when you try to re-arrange the menu and fuck up all the dishes to suit your needs, you are going to be immediately " the asshole on table 7" Believe me, it starts in the waitperson's head as he smiles and says "Absolutely", and gets verbalized past the swinging doors.


Blogger Hel said...

This was great.
I must admit, I have been that girl who will ask for mashed potatoes instead of the chipotle honey glazed carrots, but never again!

Honestly, I have dined with people who need everything in such a way, that it changes the entire dish and it gets to be rather embarassing. So of course I heckle them for it!

7:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ohh just fucking lovely,it goes to show that you have no consideration to the health concerns of your Paying patrons,you moron. Gee let me see,if one of your patrons' is lactose intolerant,and informs the waiter, who in then informs you,of course...are you going to insult that Paying patron because of his health condition!!? and refuse to serve him/her anything that is free of dairy? or just tell him/her to get fucked because you are so insensitive to the patron's needs.

And does not want to make the alterations on the menu to suit the patron and their condition.Apparently you do not show very good work ethics and morals to the needs of others.And if one of your patron's ends up having an allergic reaction,because you are too fucking odious to alter your menu, then that patron can then turn around and sue your establishment.

You see, I'am a diabetic, and I cannot eat certain food items because of my condition!!

12:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Order what falls in the parameter of your affliction. Learn how to deal with your problems instead of having others cater to your needy ass. Or just cook for yourself. I neeed ,,,I neeed.


8:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

But I WANT I WANT!! I'am too lazy to cook....YOU Cook for ME A.C. YOU are the chef, therefore YOU will cook for us spoiled brats who are privlidged...I cannot stand cooking for myself...I prefer that you cook for me hand and foot.


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