Tuesday, August 31, 2004

The Great American Carbo Scare

"I'll have the Duck with Balsamic Vinegar Sauce and Figs. No starch please, I'm on Atkins"
Not a problem, can I shove this lambbone in your eye? No starch? Do you see Wang's Chinese Laundry on the fucking door?
Can somebody answer this question? What the Hell is wrong with the American dining public?
Let me get this straight. Were fat because we eat carbohydrates? Well, that certainly explains all the obese Asian cultures. No, we're fat because we don't do anything anymore. As we speak, I'm working on a remote-remote control as I am sick of exerting myself pushing those buttons. I want a fucking remote that will operate by me just thinking about changing the channel.I'm sick of my thumb being stronger than the rest of my body.
As Chef's, we are exposed to every social dining phobia neurotic housewives create and the despicable medical industry and press milks.
There's big money to be made on obesity, and do you think doctors are paying country club dues with principles? Nope. They prey on the weak willed. Between them and even lower on the vermin chain, trial lawyers, we now have a society totally deprived of any self responsibility. The media prances around emaciated models touting the ideal body size( and doing an outstanding job of fucking up teen girls heads, which will lead to a neurotic adult woman...one who will spend whatever it takes to be "pretty") while the press does reports on how society caters more towards the beautiful. The concerned doctors -concerned that they're gonna miss a piece of the pie-come up with the next answer. A new form of diet. And then the giant food manufacturer's produce the latest batch of diet foods. Now, proudly proclaims The Really Big Food Corporation, Johnny can sit on his ass and eat a whole bag of cookies!! Thank God they saved mom and dad the trouble of actually telling their kids to get off the fucking couch.The couch by the way resembles the Shroud of Turin with the kid's assprints. See the connection?

To me the real tragedy is that all this nonsense is predominantly vanity based. Industries know that the most important thing to the majority of the public is how they look. And brother they exploit this to the extreme. Don't get me wrong, I'm a shallow pig....but that IS how it works and besides, this isn't about me.

As Chef's we have enough to deal with the general running of the kitchen and cooking food for people without mental problems. But when every third person comes in with some silly carb free craze it really just fucks us up. It makes people ruin the food we create and when that happens, the gloves come off. If you really think, that by leaving off the rice or the gnochi that we've spent an hour and half making, will make you Claudia Schiffer, you're wrong. Stop blaming starches and driving Chef's crazy with your bullshit.
You might want to consider getting up and going for a walk. If you're too depressed to do that, I don't know what to say. Put down the bon bons, get the fuck up you bloated sack and get to doing something physical. Here's the reality LIFE SUCKS GET A HELMET .NO ONE IS GONNA HELP YOU! Especially chefs that are on the edge of Heart Attack Bluff. If I had an extra hand to lend you, I'd use it to bust out these damn petit fours or light another cigarette!


Blogger Koli said...

I am a young, 6 year kitchen veteran. I have worked at what some people consider the #1 and #2 Italian restaurants in my area. Atkins fuckin' sucks.
There is nothing more insulting, then having an usually uneducated puke, tell you how to prepare your food.
That would be like me asking the good doctor who is dining in my restaurant one night, if he could not use the "Y" incision next time he is giving me surgery. Cuz I don't like the "ugly scar".
People think that just because they cut out the carbs, that their fat asses will shrink.
I agree with you immensely, and I hope and prey to the good Lord below, that when those fat asses die and go to hell, that they get rissotto cakes, and basil lemon gnochi's shoved down their god damn throats.

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Great blog. This is the best read I've had all morning. Thank you for ranting on the ridiculous carb craze. If I hear the word "carb" one more time, I'm going to go bitchcakes.

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