If Bathroom Walls Could Talk, They'd Scream

You know you're headed into a good night when one of your first parties arrives drunk and promptly blows her entire stomach all over the bathroom. Now that's class! I think in any customer service business we are uniquely privy to the worst of human behavior. It seems the higher up the income bracket the customer is, the worse the behavior becomes. I always thought bathrooms were for basically ...going to the bathroom and washing up. I was way off. Here's a few things that have happened in several bathrooms in several restaurants. The above scenario is the most recent. When I worked in Maryland, a customer's colostomy bag burst in the bathroom. That was awesome. One time a customer went in to the bathroom, locked the door and had a stroke. About 7 firemen and paramedics were there to add a little levity to the evening. At another place a toiled overflowed so we called the plumber to snake it and about 10 condoms were found. I found a squirrel tail in one once and a teddy bear with all the stuffing pulled out in another. A couple went into a bathroom one time for yet another convenient use and ended up in one of the greatest screaming matches I've ever heard. The entire restaurant went silent and we finally had to ask them to leave. After listening and laughing at them for about 10 minutes. I've had faucets stripped and pictures stolen, not to mention the the toilet paper. I found a bartender passed out in one while I was locking up. The Ritz Carlton has telephone jacks (one marked "fax") right next to the shitter. I might be old fashioned but I think some things take precedence over getting a fax.
I wish the walls could talk as I'm sure they have better stories than we could ever imagine.