Just For The Record
This blog is for people in the restaurant business. A lot of things in it apply to many fields that require passion. What it is NOT is a guide Q/A site for home cooks. It's a site for professionals in every field to fucking bitch, share familiar anecdotes and generally say fuck the world. Even at home or in doing ANYTHING your own interest should guide you. Wanna fix motorcycles? get one and take the fucker apart. Wanna cook? then start cooking. If you can't guide yourself, I can't help you.
posted by A.C. at 3:50 PM
11 Comments:
For all of you people who want to still keep reading this blog but don't quite fit the profile of a professional chef here is my advice to catch up.
1) Heat some oil and put your hand in it.
2) When you bitch that it hurts have your spouse or co- workers call you a pussy.
3) Buy a really sharp knife and cut off a finger. Make sure that it's not your middle one as you will need to tell your spouse off.
4) Crank up your furnace to near boiling, put on a wool sweater and peel potatoes for three hours.
5) Hire some sort of immigrant that doesn't know any english and give them directions on cleaning and washing your house.
6) Make the best meal you think you are capable of then invite all your most irritating friends over. Have them bitch about how big their portion was, how it was cooked and have them give you their advice on how to do it better.
7) Finally buy a book (Non Glossy) I believe it was written by famed Chef Julia Child the title is: The Art of Fucking Yourself" read it then stop wasting our time. Bravo Chef
Don't forget to throw your wallet away and cover for the shithead that doesn't show up!
A.C.
Don't forget to throw your wallet away and cover for the shithead that doesn't show up!
A.C.
Missed another one.
make certian to invite the alcholic friend who has no tastebuds from 20 years hard drinking and who takes what you present and pours a bottle of tobasco over it so he can taste it.
Then he'll ignore the carefully selected wine to pour burbon and coke down his cake hole.
And then he'll bitch about the indigestion.
Duckin Dishpig.
Good one! Bravo Chef
How to be the wife of a chef:
1. Get a hobby, because you will never see them on a weekend, evening or holiday. Ever.
2. Expect to constantly bolster their ego when they come home and tell them that their work wasn't good enough, even though everyone loved the food.
3. Expect hangovers. Not your typical headpounding, puking hangover, but the type of hangover when they wakeup at 11am on their one day-off with you and they are still dragging because their work last night wasn't good enough even though everyone loved the food.
4. Get familiar with the local takeout joints because your chef/husband will never cook at home. And if he does, it won't be anything that you like to eat.
5. Expect to field questions from seemingly well-meaning coworkers such as, "Wow! You must eat great all the time?" Expect them to not beleive that you had raisin bran for dinner because you haven't seen your husband for three days.
6. Expect less well meaning coworkers to come up to you saying,"Aren't you worried that your're gonna get fat, living with a chef?" I guarantee that they will only ask this on the mornings your pants feel tight.
Man, you hit that nail on the head!
I think the hobby is the most important part.
And you should call the police when your chef/husband forces you to lift the fork to your mouth.
Don't worry about bolstering our egos, few of us actually care about input.
Man, one of these days I'm gonna get a stove at my house too. Just to heat up the delivery pizza properly.
Grape Nuts? Well, make something else to eat or go out.
I prefer a 6 pm bowl of Just Right myself.
A.C.
And don't forget the most important part..
Work on your insecurity issues and stop whining.
David S.- struggling chef dick and proud
Great article! Thanks.
Thanks for interesting article.
Excellent website. Good work. Very useful. I will bookmark!
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