Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Glory Boys

Anybody know where this is going? That's right, it's going out to the motherfuckers in starched white coats and camera ready hair who are so far removed from what the basis of what we do it's sickening. I'm talking about, of course the media/press minded Chef. Not the Chef who realizes you have to work the press to support your restaurant, but the Chef who places his own image and ego above all else when his food flat out sucks. He absolves himself from the responsibility of overseeing his cooks and food while he prances around the dining room, air kissing the socialites and pumping the hand of anybody who might know somebody with a camera. I fucking hate those shoemakers. Go to fucking Hollywood! I'll cook fucking circles around any of them in a second. Shit, most of my line cooks can (if they're not whining about hard work and quitting).Why? Because I'm first and foremost a cook. I've never lost sight of that ( believe me, at this stage of the game I wish I could!) Not Thomas Keller who is in his kitchen every fucking day working with his crew and has done so every day of his career. So much so, that he has to tape his knees up to make it through most shifts. He's never lost the food first mentality. Not Eric Ripert who should be a fucking model( God I hate that guy!) but his approach is..fuckin' first and it shows. His food rocks. No, you know the people I'm taking about.
Here's a little story about a very exposed and recognized "Chef". I was the Chef at a restaurant in Maryland once and I was given notice that -I'll create a name similar and you can figure out who it was-Robbie Gray was at the bar. Cool I thought, I'll go over and talk Chef shit with him. He was pretty famous and I guess maybe I assumed he was one of us.You know..a cool misanthrope. I intoduced myself and the first..THE FUCKING FIRST words out of his mouth was.."How's the press around here?" What the fuck? What a dick. I just shrugged my shoulders and said " I don't know man, I cook for my customers." and walked away. Dude, this guy needed to die! It was almost like an epiphany that entrenched me further into my beliefs that no matter what your silly "title" you must remain true to your craft. I've always been a working Chef. As owner I'm constantly faced with the choice of participating in some great gathering of culinary geniuses who are willing to share with the world how great they are, or making sure the food that has my name and reputation on it is as perfect as it can be. I always chose the latter. Believe me, I'm constantly wishing I could have one thousandth of the bank these cocksuckers have but the only way I could ,without giving myself the old buckshot mouthwash, is to undergo an ethical bypass. Again, this isn't about the Chefs who work in their kitchens AND work the press. No. This is about the assholes who goes and rips his line to pieces because somebody's fucking venison was a overcooked. Well, where the fuck was HE? In his kitchen.Fuck no. Maybe he was in the dining room taking credit for the work of his cooks.Chances are he's not even at his fucking shitbox.
My work has been featured in every local mag. and newspaper wherever I have reaked havoc on. Gourmet, Bon Appetit, Wine and Spirits, I'm on the "Star Chef's" site, a bit on the tv Food Network...blah..blah...fucking blah . All of this means nothing if my food sucks. They came to me. I didn't chase after them like some starstuck little bitch. I got my props by cooking. Side by side with my kitchen. I still work saute, break down the fish, clean the line and unclog the fucking toilets if I have to. The discipline to stay focused on the food has not only rewarded me with emotionally and spiritually empty media rewards, but the confidence to know that on this never ending journey of learning and respecting food and technique...I sail right past these shitheels.
And that's what makes a Chef a Chef. I cook. Like a motherfucker. People always ask me what my definition of a definition of a chef is. A great cook with bigger headaches.
So Glory Boys, get your shiatsu'd asses back in the kitchen and realize that you have a greater responsibility than your fucking egos. Your first and foremost obligation is to the food. The damage you create from your "look at me" bullshit, which fosters a generation of cooks who wanna be rockstars but can't do ANYTHING with skill, precision or the discipline for repititous tedium, keeps them from learning the full potential of themselves OR their craft!
Cooks, keep your knives sharp and cook.Everything will come.
(You'll still be broke though, sorry)

Next time you're out to eat, and you see the White Knight in the dining room for a great length of time ask him"Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" And just for shits and giggle tell him everything was cold.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Man, you fucking rock hard!

11:10 PM  
Blogger Mezcal said...

This is fucken funny. The funniest part is that the same is true in just about any industry.

There's always that one "white knight" who knows absolutely nothing about anything and yet has his suck ready to spew out some crap about how his work was what made the product great. But where are they when something goes wrong?

11:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I want to marry you!

2:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is that you, Mr. B? Thanks for enlightening us on your thoughts. I'll be reading every day.

7:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This has become my new favorite blog in the span of a day. I'm not in the restaraunt industry anymore, but I can really identify. Thanks.

11:01 AM  
Blogger Rhonda said...

Anon. (above) must be a glutten for punishment! ROFL

Don't marry him -- just read the blog. I have a feeling it's much safer this way!

4:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Someone needs to go out and execute these stupid *glory boys* and let the real chefs get the attention....not these fake fucking facsimiles.

Oh and yes...the moron needs to quit being so riled up over something so stupid...just simply ignore these CIA dropouts.

*Down servant....Down* roll over and I will throw you a bone.

3:05 AM  

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