Thursday, September 30, 2004

It's Not As Good As You Would Make!

This is one of the most annoying parts of our being a Chef. It's people thinking that we are expecting mind blowing, multi course meals when all we want is someone to cook for us. I've always said my favorite meal is the one I don't have to cook. For Christ's sake even my own mother would say"It's not as good as you would make" when it was in fact better because she made it. Nothing I can ever even hope to make will ever match the satisfaction I get from her food. How could it?
People get all nervous when they invite us over for dinner because they think we're going to judge their food. That drives me up a wall. I makes me on edge because(besides the fact other humans are around) no one relaxes. The constant "What would you do?"..or looking to another party goer" Well, it better be good, you're cooking for a Chef!" ..I hate that shit. I'm there as a drug addled guest and it's not a professional housecall. I don't care what you make. It's great. We're not even thinking about it usually. Any chef that would critique the food of a friend's dinner is a total jack-off. A pompous fuckhead.
When I'm off, I'm not a Chef..I'm just a dude. If I'm paying for my meal, you better believe I'm going to judge every single element. I'm going to look at the bottom of the plate when I sit down. I'm going to look at who makes the silverware. I'm going to judge it against every single thing I do in my place. If it's better I'm going to be pissed. If it's worse I'll be content.
If you're cooking for us when we're off, don't worry...relax...we're just happy to have someone else do it. I'll be in charge of spilling drinks and spray painting a skunk stripe on your dog.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I totally agree that the best meal is the one cooked for you, not by you. I have three Cambodian dishwashers and when they offer to cook for me I jump at the chance. They say were having an assortment of foods either brought from home or stolen from my line I say great bring on the rat. We sit in dry storage either on the floor or perched where ever there is space for a plate. Would I bash the food hell no, I'm just happy to eat something and learn some more ways to swear in different languages. Bravo Chef

8:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bring your drug-addled ass over to my house. I'll whip you up some true BBQ shrimp, or mirliton casserole, or broiled 3.99/lb Sav-A-Center steaks. I've been in the biz, and I can clear enough space off of the back of the toilet so that your won't worry about how good it is (though it will be)....


8:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. You totally got in my head right there.

I fucking hate when people say things like that when I eat with them. I admit I do cringe when I let someone in my car and there is a fast-food wrapper from every drive-thru place in town on the floor... but shit! I don't have time to cook something for myself most of the time. Besides, I can't usually afford to eat what I cook for other people.

You mentioned something previously, saying something like how cooking is like art but instead of paint or clay you can eat the final product. When I cook for real at home, it's more likely that I'm experimenting with what I'm likely to put on a menu. Of course, I do eat it, because 1) I want to make sure the first bite is as good as the last 2) I might change my mind about what accompanies it, and 3) because goddammit, it's food! And it's Good!

When I cook for a customer, it's going to be an elaborate deal: grillmarks, sauces, fleur de sel, perfect presentation, attractive and appropriate garnish. But just for me, whatever. What I ate for dinner last night was a bowl of cottage cheese and a "baked" (microwaved) potato. When I go out to nicer restaurants, I'm the same as you. I deconstruct: How did they do it. Why did they do it that way. What would I do to change it.

When FRIENDS cook for me, though, it's different. Food shared with people you love tastes good no matter what it is. Now, my Mother-in-Law, that's a whole other story. She's a terrible cook. I make sure I've eaten before I sit down to dinner.

Chef J.

10:53 AM  
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6:09 AM  

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