Torture Redux

Here's a few things I had to deal with from Fri-Sun

Fri night....3 top walks in and announces "We're here for shrimp!" ( we don't have any shrimp on the menu) again.."We're here for shrimp!"..great! You're here for shrimp. I guess they thought they walked in to Captain D's. "We're here for shrimp!" a third time to the waiter. By this time I wanted to pound shrimp up their asses and they've lost all possibility of receiving anything more than a cursory glance and a refill of their sweet tea. Being in a tourist town, these situations are more common than one might think. Other than those tacky Parrotheads it was a fairly uneventful night.
Sat lunch- Dead until a quarter till we close ( classic are you still open scenario) about 10 people walk in and I had to leave, leaving my sous chef to deal with them. I simply cannot deal with people who know your hours and show up to keep any-nighttime prep from getting done. You know what? Fuck off. I can't force joviality or even tolerance for that matter. I think we all should make a point to find out where these people work and go there 1o minutes before they close. Then keep them until long past closing.
Sat PM- decent night until......"There's a party of chef's from New York on 63 and their ripping the menu apart. When people have to announce what they do and where they're from, they're usually pricks. "We're from San Francisco." Oh. Well I guess whatever we do won't be good enough. Say, could you live in more of a police state? "We're from New York and we're very picky" Did you say pricky? Yes. You certainly are. Getting back to the assholes on 63, they asked the waiter his name and he told them. They decided he looked more like an Alan so that's what they were going to call him. Along with every other possible nickname. Chief, friend, pal, champ..you know, endearing terms from slobs. At this point I asked my wife for permission to turn their table over and throw them the fuck out of there...it's all about respect. If you act like that big of an asshole, I won't hesitate to ridicule you to the point of turning you into a little, quivering mass of protoplasm. This is especially good in front of all present, AND they still have to pay. If they want to get uppity, I'll be glad to throw them through the front door and kick them until they cough up blood. I'm working on my temper. The next group of 4 came in and sat for 20 minutes asking if we had chicken. Do you see fucking chicken on the menu? They don't eat seafood. They don't eat pork. They don't want duck. Whatever. They just left which gave us all a sigh of relief. Trash. Go to the Colonel's.
SUN BRUNCH- Suprisingly, not that horrible. I didn't actually cook it so I just walked around, avoided interacting with the customers, drank coffee and read the paper and ate lots of meat.
Sun Pm- 4 top of fat, overly made up ladies in cute little appliqued sweaters decided to leave because we didn't have " a big steak". Fuck them too. I decided to do some paperwork at the bar, which was promptly interupted by " Some friends of a friend" who suggested they come by and annoy me. I hate idle chit chat and smalltalk. I don't want to hear about your boring, drug-free life, your dull touristy activities or especially your kids. I want to do my work undisturbed. Ever been forced to feign interest in someone so unbelievably dull, that you actually start to fall asleep when they talk? I looked down at my legal pad and noticed I had to write their names down because I forgot them as soon as they told me. I walked outside to smoke a cigarette when I was immediately accosted by a piece of shit asking if I had an extra cigarette. "Yeah, this pack had 21 in it" I said, followed by a " Go buy a pack shithead!"

Here is the ultimate dilemma. I am in a business and city based on sociability. I am the most anti-social person on earth. I could live my entire life with no human interaction at all. Ok, some..I like my friends. We have the same interests. I wish I had an invisible suit so no one could see me. I love making them happy with my food, but I want no fanfare, a simple thanks will do. Honest understanding and appreciation. I hate strangers coming up to me, looking in my grocery cart and asking me what I'm making for dinner. None of your fucking business. I'll talk about food with food people I respect other than that, please, don't speak to me. I'm surrounded by people 24-7 and my only pursuit these days is solitude.