Monday, September 13, 2004

Torture Redux

Here's a few things I had to deal with from Fri-Sun

Fri night....3 top walks in and announces "We're here for shrimp!" ( we don't have any shrimp on the menu) again.."We're here for shrimp!"..great! You're here for shrimp. I guess they thought they walked in to Captain D's. "We're here for shrimp!" a third time to the waiter. By this time I wanted to pound shrimp up their asses and they've lost all possibility of receiving anything more than a cursory glance and a refill of their sweet tea. Being in a tourist town, these situations are more common than one might think. Other than those tacky Parrotheads it was a fairly uneventful night.
Sat lunch- Dead until a quarter till we close ( classic are you still open scenario) about 10 people walk in and I had to leave, leaving my sous chef to deal with them. I simply cannot deal with people who know your hours and show up to keep any-nighttime prep from getting done. You know what? Fuck off. I can't force joviality or even tolerance for that matter. I think we all should make a point to find out where these people work and go there 1o minutes before they close. Then keep them until long past closing.
Sat PM- decent night until......"There's a party of chef's from New York on 63 and their ripping the menu apart. When people have to announce what they do and where they're from, they're usually pricks. "We're from San Francisco." Oh. Well I guess whatever we do won't be good enough. Say, could you live in more of a police state? "We're from New York and we're very picky" Did you say pricky? Yes. You certainly are. Getting back to the assholes on 63, they asked the waiter his name and he told them. They decided he looked more like an Alan so that's what they were going to call him. Along with every other possible nickname. Chief, friend, pal, champ..you know, endearing terms from slobs. At this point I asked my wife for permission to turn their table over and throw them the fuck out of there...it's all about respect. If you act like that big of an asshole, I won't hesitate to ridicule you to the point of turning you into a little, quivering mass of protoplasm. This is especially good in front of all present, AND they still have to pay. If they want to get uppity, I'll be glad to throw them through the front door and kick them until they cough up blood. I'm working on my temper. The next group of 4 came in and sat for 20 minutes asking if we had chicken. Do you see fucking chicken on the menu? They don't eat seafood. They don't eat pork. They don't want duck. Whatever. They just left which gave us all a sigh of relief. Trash. Go to the Colonel's.
SUN BRUNCH- Suprisingly, not that horrible. I didn't actually cook it so I just walked around, avoided interacting with the customers, drank coffee and read the paper and ate lots of meat.
Sun Pm- 4 top of fat, overly made up ladies in cute little appliqued sweaters decided to leave because we didn't have " a big steak". Fuck them too. I decided to do some paperwork at the bar, which was promptly interupted by " Some friends of a friend" who suggested they come by and annoy me. I hate idle chit chat and smalltalk. I don't want to hear about your boring, drug-free life, your dull touristy activities or especially your kids. I want to do my work undisturbed. Ever been forced to feign interest in someone so unbelievably dull, that you actually start to fall asleep when they talk? I looked down at my legal pad and noticed I had to write their names down because I forgot them as soon as they told me. I walked outside to smoke a cigarette when I was immediately accosted by a piece of shit asking if I had an extra cigarette. "Yeah, this pack had 21 in it" I said, followed by a " Go buy a pack shithead!"

Here is the ultimate dilemma. I am in a business and city based on sociability. I am the most anti-social person on earth. I could live my entire life with no human interaction at all. Ok, some..I like my friends. We have the same interests. I wish I had an invisible suit so no one could see me. I love making them happy with my food, but I want no fanfare, a simple thanks will do. Honest understanding and appreciation. I hate strangers coming up to me, looking in my grocery cart and asking me what I'm making for dinner. None of your fucking business. I'll talk about food with food people I respect other than that, please, don't speak to me. I'm surrounded by people 24-7 and my only pursuit these days is solitude.

23 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you liked “Eat a Bowl of Tea” (1989, Russel Wong) check out 1985’s Tampopo. Truly and “Orgasmic food experience”.

6:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Hell is other people at breakfast"

Highly recommend reading "Caring for your introvert." I've given this to my in-laws to explain that I don't hate them I just want to be left alone.
http://www.theatlantic.com/issues/2003/03/rauch.htm

small clip:
Introverts are not necessarily shy. Shy people are anxious or frightened or self-excoriating in social settings; introverts generally are not. Introverts are also not misanthropic, though some of us do go along with Sartre as far as to say "Hell is other people at breakfast." Rather, introverts are people who find other people tiring.


bg.

10:38 AM  
Blogger Rhonda said...

You said, "Sat lunch- Dead until a quarter till we close ( classic are you still open scenario) about 10 people walk in and I had to leave, leaving my sous chef to deal with them. I simply cannot deal with people who know your hours and show up to keep any-nighttime prep from getting done. You know what? Fuck off."

Well, guess what? If you're open until 10, then you're open until 10, and if people come in at 9:30 or later, you should happily serve them. However, if you're accepting guests until 9:00, but finishing dinner and closing the restaurant at 10:00, then, maybe (just maybe) you should be a little more clear in your advertising/policies. People would probably appreciate it.

5:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I believe the proper saying is "Hell is other people" but I'm not sure...both statements are correct. Is there anything worse than breakfast while someone yammers?

Take Rhonda as case in point. SHE'S got it all figured out and is willing to come in five minutes 'til and get her iced tea and tell you so. Maybe she'll keep everyone there while she has a salad.

SHE IS THE ENEMY!!!! BURN HER ALIVE!!!!!

AC

8:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You said

"Sat lunch- Dead until a quarter till we close ( classic are you still open scenario) about 10 people walk in and I had to leave, leaving my sous chef to deal with them. I simply cannot deal with people who know your hours and show up to keep any-nighttime prep from getting done. You know what? Fuck off."

Well, dumfuck, why don't you simply change your fucking hours so you close early enough to get your prep done?

I cannot believe the nerve of sojme people who post their hours clearly and then get mad when someone comes into their restaurant WHILE THEY ARE OPEN!!!

You are clearly fucked in the head

10:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

First off, it's dum(b)fuck. Second, since you're obviously someone who this post is about, why don't you suck a burning dick in hell? Why don't you try showing up in at a time where a restaurant doesn't have to stay open for you and your excrement friends?
See what happens when the servants voice their opinions. The scum get offended.Go fuck yourself.

A.C.

12:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bravo Chef, why don't people just say "Let's go there earlier so we'll be out when they close" If you go to a store, they rush you out by closing. Fuck that asshole.

12:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"First off, it's dum(b)fuck."

You are the last person who needs to be tossing around spelling smack. If you were to proof your posts, you would see what I am talking about. The fact that you didn't finish high school is clearly evident in your grammar and spelling.

"Second, since you're obviously someone who this post is about, why don't you suck a burning dick in hell?"

Wrong bitch. I am definitely not that person and have worked in restaurants for 20 years. I just think it is completely idiotic for you to get mad at people coming to your restaurant when you are fucking open! If you don't want people coming in at 2:25 because you close at 2:30, then close at 2. Moron!

"See what happens when the servants voice their opinions. The scum get offended.Go fuck yourself."

I am one of the servants and do not agree with your childish point of view on this issue. You are the scum here.

12:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh stop your petty resentment. We do close at 2 shithead. This will be the last response. I don't want to waste my time with the employee that everyone hates.

A.C.

12:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh stop your petty resentment. We do close at 2 shithead. This will be the last response. I don't want to waste my time with the employee that everyone hates.

A.C.

12:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn I wish I could find your post where you gave someone shit for posting their message twice.

12:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow AC he sure showed you!.

How about the assholes that show up 5 minutes before you close and wait for a friend for 20 minutes.

10:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not only is an ungrateful prick to people who come to his business and spend their money while he is open, he is a hypocrite as well.

"If you post and you don't see it respond, don't hit the button again. Computers and servers are high tech pieces of shit. It will post eventually, don't freak out and keep hitting the publish button.

AC"

6:39 AM  
Blogger PosterNutbag said...

When we have a list, we stop taking names at closing time. That means we OFTEN have people still waiting for a table when we close for brunch at 3 PM. The AM waitstaff are usually still finishing their brunch checkouts when the PM staff arrive to begin their sidework.

If we don't have a list and someone rolls in at five till closing, we simply tell them they MUST order their grub before we close. If they don't like it, they can carry ass for all I care.

7:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AC looks like you've got a mate! This tosser seems like the kind we'd all like alone for 5 minutes!And fuck the people that show up 2 minutes before you close. Cook them your best, appreciate them and fuck them.
Keep up the great work. Bravo Chef

11:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Exactly. He thinks we're rude to them. THAT's the part that makes me laugh.

A.C.

11:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who said anything about being rude? You aren't being rude, quite the opposite if you choose to leave the restaurant rather than show your frustration. I think you are being childish. That is a completely different thing from being rude. Close for lunch at 1:30 if you don't want people coming in at quarter to 2. Problem solved.

3:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think this whole topic is purile, I mean shit...all this fuss at what time and how late, the moron decides to stay open. If you can't handle being around people..then have your damn sous chef take care of when and how long that you want your hours to stay open...moron.

And if patrons, come in five minutes before you close?...Then you will Serve Them!! Do not turn away the patrons, because you want to close up early..quit being so anti-social...you need to work on your PR skills. Oh and quit running off to hide in the corner everytime a large lot of people enter your establishment. And have the line cook to seat the patrons, you moron.

2:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you really that ignorant? You really can't read can you.
What a stupid cunt.
Thanks for the support!

A.C.

9:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congrats on the DiRona chef...you earned it!

One Of Your Faithful Pain in the Asses!

10:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A.C. IS THE ENEMY!!!!!!! BURN THE MOTHERFUCKER ALIVE!!!!! AND BECAUSE HE IS A HYPOCRITE!!

12:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice try.

A.C.

9:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you are open to 10pm, then you are open to 10, quite misleading the guests by implying that you are open to 10, when you require everyone to leave by a quarter till. You are exceedingly specious and as well irresponsible to your job duties. Apparently, I know that you cannot handle a large assination of people. Just have your sous chef acquire the position as the executive chef, since apparently you cannot handle the sociability of this job.

6:41 PM  

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