Thursday, September 02, 2004

There's No Such Thing As A Stupid Question

Who came up with that line? Of course there is. Here's one; Why isn't red blue? Because it's fucking red! I ran my finger through a meatcutting saw one time, giving my index finger a nice Y shape and some moron asked me if it hurt.No. It felt fucking great, you should try it on your dick! Here's a few more actual questions from the dining elite that I've collected over the years.

" Do you take reservations?"
"No maam, I'm afraid we don't"
" Well if we call ahead, could you just hold a table for us"
" How much is your house salad?"
"And how many does that serve?"
" Does the whole wheat/green olive crust taste different than the regular?
" I'll have a house salad plain, no dressing"
salad arrives
"WHAT, NO DRESSING?!" ( what the hell is up with salad people?)
" Are you a non-profit organization" (the Langioule steak knives must have given it away)
response? "Only at lunch"
" Is it cold in your dining room? Do provide shawls?"
Shawls? What the fuck is next? Catheters?
" Can the Chef make me a steak Diane?"
Can you take three at the same time? Exactly! You probably can, but won't
"Does your coffee have caffeine in it?"
" Do you take cash?"
No. I prefer to get ripped off by the credit card processors

These are just a few true examples of just how fucking dumb the average diner/consumer is.
They never ask really good questions.
" Are the back of your toilets smooth enough to do coke off of?"
" Do you have a lime-pit outback?"
" Do your waitresses drink a lot?"

Nope. Always the same bullshit. Brief snippets of idiocy that run rampant in diners.
There IS such a thing as a stupid question and every other customer asks it!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

*snort* My dad was part-owner and manager of a smallish place that attracted what you might call a prosperous clientele, some of whom would get pissy because there was no "American" menu offered. He always wondered why the hell did they come in if they wanted steak? It said "[name] Thai Restaurant" right over the door!

9:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

" Are the back of your toilets smooth enough to do coke off of?"

That is really fucking funny !! It should be on the menu.

10:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My favorite stupid questions:

#1- Do you serve what's on the menu?

#2- Can you tell me... what's a BLT? Is that anything like a bacon. lettuce and tomato sandwich?

Swear to God- these are real!

8:51 PM  
Anonymous Steve Hernandez said...

Pure greatness. It sounds like the same stupid people I work with eat in your fine dining establishment.

12:23 PM  
Anonymous Generic Viagra said...

hahaha everytime it happen and everywhere, it is just stupid but really funny, thank you so much for sharing, your blog is really nice...

8:26 AM  
Anonymous pharmacy said...

yeah stupid questions sadly it's something that I have to deal with everyday, sometimes I just want to send people to hell, but that will not be nice, but I wonder how much time I will hang out haha

1:14 PM  
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10:51 PM  

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