Death Before Dishonor

Think we're lowly kitchen scum? We are. But you know what?, We take more pride in what we do on a daily basis more than virtually any other "respectable" occupation you can think of. We are are own harshest critics. Personally, I hate people. I know from my posts this might be hard to believe but bear with me, it's true. Think that because of what I write here that I take customers for granted and treat them like shit? Wrong. I love and hate everything about this horrid business and will sacrifice anything and everything for it. Burned out? Maybe. Jaded? Definitely. Enough to let a minute detail go unnoticed? Not on your miserable life. It's that long forgotten virtue(?) called pride. Sure the whiney, pain in the ass,needy motherfuckers drive us all to the point of madness. Sure the sacrifice we all make on a daily basis is enough to also make us think"I have to get out of this shit", but when it comes down to it, when you strip away all the bullshit, all we have left is our pride in what we do. I'm not talking about sellout shoemakers, I'm talking about cooks or ANYONE who has the slightest vestige of principle in what they do. When a dish fails either in conception or execution, for that brief instant my life is ruined and I am shit. There is no"getting over it". There's no "Aww dude, it's not the end of the world". Yes it is fucker. Granted, these feeling pass but it grounds us and let's us know that we actually care about what the fuck we're doing. That in itself is a great feeling. That brief realization after the self flogging ends to know you actually give a shit. It's one of the hardest parts of this odyssey. The majority of people tell you how great everything was and all you do is rip apart the things you felt could be better. "Ohhhhhhh...the souffle of sea urchin was like Heaven!" And all I think is, Heaven? I don't want that! I want you to feel like you wiped out in a wave and ate the beach! Therefore, I think I failed. To me Heaven just doesn't sound that glorious.
My point is that after all the headaches, all the insulting ridiculousness, we already have seen our shortcomings and are ready, willing and able to do our own version of better next time. Most are willing to settle for something less. But for us, settling for "good enough" is a personal affront. I think all my work is garbage. Maybe I've set my personal standards too high and it drives most of my kitchen staff nuts, but as far as I think, if you settle for good enough, you've less importantly let down your diner(they rarely notice) , but you've failed yourself. A simple thing like a dinner roll can destroy an entire evening. ONE ROLL!!! If a poorly risen roll is ever served, it negates all the other things you've pulled off. No one sees it but us. Everyone is happy except us. It's truly strange that bunch of predominantly foul mouthed, uncaring, harsh, egotistical sociopaths actually care so much about what they do. It's admirable and honorable and I am fiercely proud of caring so much about what we do. Cooking. We feed people. What is more important and communal? Nothing.