Wacky Chef Clothes

Today's the day when the new Chef Revival wear catalog shows up. All I can think is "What the fuck? What a bunch of shit!" Don't get me wrong, they have nice coats and all, but when and WHO more importantly, all of the sudden thought we needed "wacky" chef's clothes? Scarves, 25 different styles of coats, tunics, jumpsuits(fucking jumpsuits man?), bakers hats, beanies, bandanas, baseball hats all in every tacky, garish and hideous patterns, each one worst than the one before it. I hate them. I hate them all. I like black/checks and whites. I mean when did cooking food become a fashion movement? And a dangerously bad one at that. Black/White. Simple. I mean what is the point of all this foppery? "Look how wacky I am! I'm an individual!" No you're not. You're fucking annoying. Wacky. Don't you just love wacky people? Get back in line, keep your wacky individuality to yourself and show me how you cook! What corporate twat actually turned us into fashion dummies. Muted pink chef's coat( for her) Denim chef coat( for him) how sickeningly "cute". Where did this shit start? Did someone actually complain about...
"This dumb old coat.......cooking's fun and all....but the outfits are so boring!"
Pretty revolting isn't it? How we're pictured in catalogues like this. Silly little fashion puppets. I really do despise them. But what's even worse is this entire line of everyday items given some mythical status by applied "chefdom". Here's a couple favorites: The "Sauce Bullet". It's a thermos. The "Line Spoon". Yep. It's a spoon. Personally, in all the places I've worked, I've never actually seen something called a Line Spoon. I have about 2 dozen big, cheap-ass soupspoons I use. Guess I must be missing something. The "Drizzler". You might know them as squirt bottles. The "Tastermate". It's a spork. My personal favorite the"Bonetector". A stainless steel device that clamps on rack bones. Kinda like foil, but fancier. When did all this nonsense come about? When did what we do for barely a living ever become so fucking accesorized? I'm serious! Did it come about the same time that ridiculous rim garnishing shit happened? Seems to me like it did. I'll bet...I'll bet, that if you show me someone in a bright wacky chef's costume, with those goddamned chili peppers on it, I'll show you someone who puts shit on the rim of the plate! And baby chef wear? BABY CHEF WEAR???!! What is that about? Some corporate Mooney who thinks a baby would look "really cute" wearing a cooks outfit?. I think we should find the offspring of these marketing thinkers and force them to spend their lives in kitchens. Think of it..
"I had no idea...(sobbing)...I just thought he would look so cute in that outfit. I just wanted to cater to some (sobbing) neurotic moms!" "I had no idea the chefs would come and take him!!! THEY TOOK MY LITTLE SKYLER THOSE BASTARDS!!!"

What is actually happening to the job of cooking? Has it really become so glamorous? It's pretty much the same as it ever was to me. I must have missed that whole era of the chef thing. I was probably lighting the water heater or pulling out Rockfish guts. Not to mention this minor thing which is why we do WHAT we do. For the food.