Saturday, January 22, 2005

Dude, Where's My Fish?

Suppliers. Don't you just love some of them? Let me first start out by saying the suppliers I deal with from Honolulu Seafood to Jet Fresh have yet to let me down (that much) and when they do, they bend over backwards to take care of the problem. No, this bitch is about the shitheels that can't seem to get their heads out of their asses.
Here's a few better examples;
Tuesday, start of the week...v.i.p. birthday res. for that night.
The fish order just didn't show up. It was all local stuff. 20 pointless phone calls later, I was truly fucked. It just didn't fucking show. After the weekend there is rarely any seafood left in house and in this case, there was none. 75% of the customers walked that night, including the birthday party. It was one of the worst nights of my career. I couldn't believe I let so many people down.
Needless to say, the dropping of the account the next day was one of those situations you really need to take advantage of. Really tell 'em what's on your mind. Loudly. Scathingly. Scarring.

Another time I already addressed on another post. Four hours on the phone to Hawaii and Fed Ex looking for my specialty fish for the weekend. Finally shows up at 8 pm, right in the middle of service. No...sorry brother....put that shit back on the fucking truck and take it back. Too late to check it in , process and sell it.

New Year's Eve...honestly I forgot what year....85-6? 3 o'clock...no meat. Wasn't too worried at that point, I figured we'd just do everything else and spend the last bit of time doing the butchering. I like all the butchering done first but you gotta adapt sometimes. Most times shit ain't right. Order finally shows up at 5:30. Tight but doable. Except for the frozen, chine-on lamb racks. Yep. Sure would've been nice to get the split chine off racks I ordered. Thanks fuckheads! The customers ended up helping us butcher them. It was realllly fucked up, but no one seemed to get upset. It was a small place, we were mostly all friends and we were also passing around bottles of Veuve Cliquot.

I wonder if suppliers coordinate their fuck ups with your most crucial times? I mean, it happens with such accuracy as to causing the most headaches and financial loss, it seems almost brilliantly calculated. Goddamn it get us our shit on time!!! Invest in more trucks if you have to; Fucking Hummers would be good..I don't care if you have to crush a soccer mom to get me my product....just do it!
Don't you just get sick of putting out fires other people start? Constantly adapting your schedule to their bullshit. I've got a deadline for every single second of the day, motherfuckers. Throw me a friggin' bone!
Here's one I'm quite proud of. Again Friday night, Kobe ribs show up not split. I could just cut them into ribs but they're too huge. I also hate serving them off the bone. I remembered I had a circular saw in the utility closet. Across the street they were doing some masonry work and I ran over to see if they had a carbide blade. I explained the situation and they just gave me one. They couldn't believe what I needed it for. It actually fit the saw so I just fired it up and split the ribs with a circular saw. It smelled like a thousand teeth getting drilled. I thought the meat and bone would immediately clog the blade rendering it smooth and worthless, but it worked. I love shit like that.
The M.I.T grads that load the trucks are awesome too. I never would have guessed that raspberries, avocados, baby lettuces should all go on the BOTTOM of the load. It's cool though because I like my most expensive things crushed. I am also in favor of hiring the handicapped so it all works out.
Are we the only ones that spend every waking second thing about how we can do things better? I don't care what the fuck you do. If you do it, do it well. On principle. Especially if what you do has a bearing on me or what I do. Use that little pea inside your head...yeah...that rattling noise. That's your brain!
And no, I don't care about the others, just don't fuck my job up!

8 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

fucking tell me about it. Our pastry chef was getting all jittery about v-day, so to save everyone a lot of stress (and eliminating the whining), we outsource the cava sorbet job to a local Ice Cream company, Ultimate Ice Cream in Asheville. We gave them the case of cava, everything. The assholes show up at and hour and a half after we began seating, after we already sent someone to get an alternate sorbet (lemon, how fucking exciting), and after we had already told the present customers that the advertised menu was incorrect, making us look like dumbasses. After all of my frantic phone calls, sweat, and near heart attacks,the fucker from the company has the nerve to answer my (unbelievably) calm query, "little late, don't you think?" with a shrug and a bill. I had to take two shots of tequila just to stop shaking.

6:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't you just wanna beat them to death with their fucking handtruck?

A.C.

10:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

absolutely. My new favorite is the wacko produce bitch who delivered all the cases of produce straight to the walk-in since I was busy on the phone, signed the invoice (herself)and left, presumably because she didn't want to wait. Luckily enough, I'm not a corrupt bitch, but I could have called the produce company and insisted my order never showed up, cause I never signed the invoice. Morons. If one leaf of lettuce had been even slightly disfigured, I would have made them come back and bring me all new shit in a heartbeat.

1:01 PM  
Anonymous Dave O said...

Why do you guys order all this stuff the day of. order all this bullshit to come in the day before. is this your first day. You should be used to this stuff by now and know to plan around it. yes most of the food sales people are dumbasses but so are you if you actualy think one day in the freezer is going to destroy you sorbet. Your pastry chef should've started making that shit well ahead of time. And to the angry chef who likes his meat deliveries on the day of, this doesn't mean your food is fresher it just fucks things up. It's meat, that shit was processed well before you got it, one day in the fridge ain't gonna hurt it. Mise en place isn't just fore the sixth pans on the pantry station dude.

2:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks Chief. We don't know about planning.

A.C.

7:34 PM  
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Anonymous Emily said...

That's lame. It would ruin my night too. Speaking of fish, we're having a salmon recipe contest and giving the winner 15 lbs. of wild salmon. And we'll get it to you. On time. I promise. Check it out at MarxFoods.com.

2:24 PM  

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