Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Mass Feedings

That special time of year is here and I don't know about you, but I'M certainly giddy! I'm talking about the Holiday Season! If you're like me, the thoughts of the Holiday season always bring such joy! The hordes of people in last years Christmas sweaters, the shellshocked look in dad's eyes when he's dragged from store to store....grandma and grampa all made up in their best wax museum finery...Grandson Bobby with the " Give me my present so I can go back up to my room look"... I hate cooking for groups of familys. The concept of an entire family that wants to go do something together is kind of frightening, excusable only if certain family members get waaayyy too drunk and start shit with one another.This all gets nullified if more than two members are wearing Christmas sweaters. There's just waay too many rules around this time of year! My mind is reeling with how much there is too be annoyed by!. But let's not forget the most joyous of events. The abandoning of all dignity and resorting to scoop 'n pooping about 95-100 fucking turkey dinners. Yep, all those poor traditional souls are going out en masse looking for bird stuffed with bread. Writing the menu for Thanksgiving is particularly shitty because you know all they want is turkey. Doesn't matter what else you put on, everybody wants turkey. And good o'l pumpkin pie too!! Nothing you can do, no way of getting out of standing there pumping out these plates of traditional silliness. " Well, why do you serve Thanksgiving if you hate it so much?"...(had to get that out of the way)

For the money. Same as brunch. I hate Holiday menus every bit as much as I hate brunch. I do them for the money only. I'm a whore on Sundays and Holidays only.

Tradition. Fuck traditions. I like to celebrate the Holidays the way I want. I don't want a plate of turkey. I'd rather have a huge Vietnamese feast, but this is the time of year that makes non-traditionalists cringe, so we serve food assembly line fashion. A hundred plates of waayyy too much boring food. It's kind of sick to see so many people who are hopelessly bound to tradition( not so much by the tradition of Thanksgiving, but by eating the same fucking thing every year!) eating like this. Let's celebrate the holiday by going out and eating cafeteria style! It's 10 hrs. of mind numbing repetitious boredom...then WE get to sit down and eat. After prepping for days, serving hundreds of people " a traditional Thanksgiving dinner", we get to cook for ourselves!!! I seem to have lost my youthful enthusiasm about this meal. I just want to go home for the most part. The sight of turkey makes me sick. The thought of eating cranberry sauce is revolting and all I can think is just three more Holidays to go until the horridness of the Holiday season is gone for another year. Being in this business is like being on a nuclear sub for months at a time. We don't come up for air much and we most times just don't get what's going on on the surface. What do Holidays mean for the majority of us? Not a godaamned thing except the absolute distillation of everything I've railed on up to now. So when you're on the way to work(while others are sleeping late, enjoying their friends they haven't seen since last year) to slop out yet another Holiday feast for others, and someone says...'Hey Smile, it's the Holidays!!!"....please...do SOMETHING to them or their property.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aaaaggghhh! I HATE when people say "Smile! It's the holidays!" Yeah, I'd like to see you slinging pumpkin pies to hundreds of people a day and answer asinine questions like, "Do you have any pumpkin pies?" a hundred times a day and still have enough energy left to smile like an idiot. I'M not on holiday - YOU are asshole. And the next person who walks into the bakery and asks if we carry pumpkin pies - DURING THANKSGIVING WEEK - is going to get one in the face.

8:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

On Thanksgiving I say "Don't give me Turkey, give me WILD TURKEY"!!!!! And lot's of it!!!!!!!!!!

9:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

While I am not a chef by any strech of the imagination, I did work in retail long enough to hate this time of year, too. I think Wild Turkey would taste much better with a Christmas sweater.....


11:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh...you don't need to just be in restaurants this time a year. The Holiday season infests every strata of our society. I couldn't even imagine having to look directly at someone in a tacky holiday getup.
My heart goes out to those who have no doors to hide behind and belittle.


12:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The one thing i am thankful for at thanksgiving is that Australia doesent celebrate this holiday. When I'm bombed out of my head on polish vodka tonight, I'll be doing so happy in the knowledge tht I wont be either spending the weekend with my family, or being harassed by my family for NOT spending the weekend with them.

We realy are the lucky country
Duckin Dishpig.

2:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sydney was another place on my to move to list.
This "no thanksgiving " thing might seal the deal.


8:11 PM  
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