Thursday, February 24, 2005


"is there anything they can't do"

Wise words by the great Homer Simpson.
Well, I guess they can't keep Krispy Kreme floatin'. I fucking love doughnuts. Coffee with too much sugar, a couple of glazed old fashioned and I'm totally jacked and hyper. This might change. You see, Krispy Kreme is doing some corporate re-structuring. It seems that one of the CEOs has decided to start taking an hourly wage. Man. What a noble guy. It takes real balls to give a up a grossly inflated salary to get down and dirty with the common working man!'s the story!..
I quote from Restaurant Business , Feb..15 2005

"Winston-Salem, NC - The troubled Krispy Kreme chain has replaced it's CEO with an hourly employee, though he'll be paid roughly 100 times the wage of an in-store crew member, according to government filings. The documents indicate that interim CEO Stephen Cooper is billing the company at a rate of $760 per hour, while limited-term COO Steven Panagos is on the clock at a rate of $695 per 60 minutes."
-Both Cooper and Panagos work for the restructuring specialist, Kroll Zolfo Cooper-
"The lofty consulting fees do not, however, guarantee the the undivided attention of the two executives. Cooper is also currently serving as CEO for.......( who would have fucking guessed!) Enron; Panagos is chief restructuring officer at Penn Traffic Co."
"Krispy Kreme also plans to pay KZC a "success fee" to be negotiated in the next few weeks"

Think about it. One "employee" making seven hundred and sixty dollars an hour for motherfucking doughnuts.
And he doesn't even have to be there! I'm doin' this shit all wrong!
I understand he has other obligations like tending to his baby Enron. Hey, it's a full time job bilking hundreds of people out of their investments and savings, but come should do a little time on the line per week!
These people I truly despise. Never mind the trespassing on the sanctity of the doughnut itself, but how the fuck can you justify that much money without having to actually work?
Those assholes should break down, scrub and repaint a Krispy Kreme every goddamned day. Outside too! Scrub the hoods, move the ranges, clean the greasetrap, count the fins on the eveaporators coils on the boxes....then I'll give you some slack on your rope! But you gotta earn it...I want my money's worth! And stop riding the fucking clock!
Could you imagine what a pain in the ass a $760 hr. employee would be? I don't think I could count on them.
" Dude...I'm fucked....can you come in?"
"Nope. I'm in Amsterdam. I'll be in in two weeks, but only for 18 minutes."
"Cool, thanks. That really helps."
To think.. all this shit....this gross waste of money, growing from something as innocent and understanding as a doughnut. I wonder if these "restaurant consultants" even eat their own food. Or for that matter if they eat their own young.
Lemme guess, you're gonna close a bunch of stores, put a bunch of people who make $6.50 hr out of work and collect a "success fee." I fuckin' hate 'em!
I also don't want to think of these assholes when I see Krispy Kreme. You know what I want? I want the image of an army of grandmothers making my doughnuts in the morning. I don't want to know what really goes on behind the scenes of my morning routine...I don't want to think of Mr Burns even in the same field, even by association. I want illusion until AFTER coffee, doughnuts and cigarettes!
I have seen the enemy. And boy is he rich.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, next thing they'll do is move everything over to China and set up shop next to Wal-Mart.

4:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just found this blogger (not too sure what that means) and couldn't stop reading it. I am a chef/owner in a serious restaurant city. I love my hole in the kitchen, punk rock, late night movies by myself, a couple of drinks after work with some good smoke, and making food that people enjoy. I can relate to so many of your posts that it is frightening. I have the same response to almost all customers while wondering what it burning (this freaks me out to no end). I just want to make good food so people can enjoy themselves. I think I pay my general manager so you can talk to her. She loves that part of the job and is great at it. She is beautiful, thorough, great taste in decor and everything I want in a GM. I like sweat, heat, knives and stainless steel. These things make me happy. I also stress out when eating with my friends because they think they have to cook something I like, well, I like to relax, so anything you put in front of me is fine. I eat dinner around midknight and lunch around 3pm, so it usually isn't something worth a shit. My entire body hurts most days, and that makes me feel good. A Bass Pale Ale is my refreshment of choice after work, and a good single malt scotch is my splurge. You stick your head in my kitchen, and you are asking for it. I won't even enter a kitchen of a friend's restaurant without him inviting me in. I don't want to explain where I worked because it doesn't matter. "Did you enjoy yourself?" Thanks, I hope you did. I spent too many years working on the wrong side of the swinging door of a corporate shithole (to learn the management part) then I taught myself how to cook by screwing up numerous times before haveing a clue. Now I can say, we are doing ok. So please spare me all the small talk and let me continue working so I can keep trying to improve my restaurant. The more time I spend bullshitting, the less I have to learn something new. Thanks for this small moment to release my frustrations, and thanks for letting me hear your thoughts and opinions, it is a nice release.

9:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know it's not central to your point, and I'm not sure you care... but the guy who's stepping in for Krispy Kreme isn't the guy who exploded Enron, it's the guy they called in to repair Enron.

9:29 PM  
Blogger Mr DirtBagger said...

Krispy Kreme and Bush bashing both made me laugh. Thanks for the hoot.

10:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

See what I mean? What a scumbag. What human would want to help repair a despicable corporation like Enron?


9:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Glad you can relate. That's the whole point of these rants. If you don't agree with them, then YOU'RE probably one of the assholes we all hate.
Which is a better feeling..a razor sharp knife slicing through pristine fish or your lungs getting ready to explode from a bright green stinky bud?


12:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey angry chef...please email me about a feature i'm writing for a national restaurant anonymity assured. thanks.

11:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what is the name of the mag?


2:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

can you email me and i'll tell you the name of the mag? thanks.

9:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i can pass along my cell phone # too.

9:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you keep a restaurant running. that's a lot of work. these people keep entire multi-billion dollar corporations running. that's a lot of work, too.

4:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Really? I'd like to see who does more ACTUAL work during a day. Who gets more time off. Who gets grossly inflated salaries. Who rips off their workers more. Who gets more "benefits" that the people who produce the product don't.
Please, if feel the need to defend this scum, how about a buckshot mouthwash.


10:18 AM  

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